The Joys of Summer
I have recently realized that I have a serious problem; I have no idea how to relax. It is just not in my nature to not be accomplishing something. Today has been driving me mad. I woke up and decided to practice my omelet-making. Then I went about cleaning up my apartment. At some point I realized that I need to be a bit more active and that pushups, though great for my triceps, don't really do much for my biceps, so I went to Academy to buy a couple dumbbells. After thoroughly wearing myself out by watching the news while pumping iron, I did my laundry in UP's enormous and beautiful laundry facilities.
Then I realized... I have nothing to do, and nobody to do it with. Now that I'm finally living in my own place, I have a huge desire to play the host; to cook for and entertain people. There's simply nobody interested though... After calling everybody I know, I realized that I was in fact completely alone. I guess I have become somewhat socially dependent over the past few years, even though I suppose I'm socially inept at times. I panic at the thought of having absolutely nobody to talk to or do anything with. I can handle boring activities and even doing nothing, if I have somebody to do it with, but the thought of being bored alone... That terrifies me.
I played my guitar and read a book for an hour or two, but it was still driving me insane that I wasn't actually doing anything. At the moment, absolutely all of my social interests lie in some other town. Every single person I have called within the past couple days is in another town, or they're working, or with their girlfriend...
Haha, I am now sitting on Jeff McCain's bed in the Sig Shack, just to be within a hundred feet of a person I can communicate with. At the moment Jim Kizer is the only other person here, and he's just playing World Of Warcraft, so it's not really much better. Why do I feel this immense... emptiness? Actually, putting it in that language really helps me. I think it's good to have a reminder that there are always going to be times when there won't be people and activities around to fulfill me, and I should be seeking my fulfillment elsewhere. Of course, I can say that all day long, but actually attaining it... That's something entirely different. I've been seeking happiness and fulfillment a bunch of places recently and forgetting that it all ultimately comes from God. It's time I relax and get to know him.
Then I realized... I have nothing to do, and nobody to do it with. Now that I'm finally living in my own place, I have a huge desire to play the host; to cook for and entertain people. There's simply nobody interested though... After calling everybody I know, I realized that I was in fact completely alone. I guess I have become somewhat socially dependent over the past few years, even though I suppose I'm socially inept at times. I panic at the thought of having absolutely nobody to talk to or do anything with. I can handle boring activities and even doing nothing, if I have somebody to do it with, but the thought of being bored alone... That terrifies me.
I played my guitar and read a book for an hour or two, but it was still driving me insane that I wasn't actually doing anything. At the moment, absolutely all of my social interests lie in some other town. Every single person I have called within the past couple days is in another town, or they're working, or with their girlfriend...
Haha, I am now sitting on Jeff McCain's bed in the Sig Shack, just to be within a hundred feet of a person I can communicate with. At the moment Jim Kizer is the only other person here, and he's just playing World Of Warcraft, so it's not really much better. Why do I feel this immense... emptiness? Actually, putting it in that language really helps me. I think it's good to have a reminder that there are always going to be times when there won't be people and activities around to fulfill me, and I should be seeking my fulfillment elsewhere. Of course, I can say that all day long, but actually attaining it... That's something entirely different. I've been seeking happiness and fulfillment a bunch of places recently and forgetting that it all ultimately comes from God. It's time I relax and get to know him.
posted by Jordan at 4:25 PM
2 Comments:
You're pretty lucky to have such a constructive reflex to inactivity. Meanwhile, I've learned to lounge more at ease. This is due almost entirely to the long hours/little work of my job.
Aw Jordan. I would totally come do something with you, if I wasn't in Longview and/or you weren't at school. But I promise with or without me, a pie will make its way to you very soon.
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